Leo ([info]bakenius) wrote,
@ 2008-01-21 09:35:00
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Current mood: nervous
Current music:Some early morning Mozart

Easter Island outline 3.03: Getting close yet?
Good morning my dear Livejournal readers.

The past two weeks have been pretty intense writing-wise. The feedback I got on the previous outline I posted here (v. 2.01) proved to be very helpful. A lot has changed though, the story got more whimsical (talking statues, WTF), the background conflict emphasis changed from environmental issues to religious dogma, I had to cut the love story (bye, bye Manu) that became quite impossible to rhyme with the larger scale drama and focus more on a daughter-father relationship since the Chief is naturally torn between the two ideological fires with a daughter that deviates from the cultural established way of life and his role in the island society.

The story has become… big. Dauntingly so. It will even require a lot of spoken dialogue. (We have to find good voice actors as well as people able of writing clever dialogue since I know that’s not exactly a strong point of mine) but that’s all of later concern. First the story needs to be right. And I know no other group of people as sharp and inventive plucking on stories as you. So hereby we gladly offer our outline for your eyes-only and in the hope that this story appeals to your senses and imagination.




Untitled Easter Island project
Synopses v. 3.03 (21/1/08)

Background:

The story is loosely set on Easter Island during the fall of the proud Polynesian society that flourished on the Island for many centuries and erected an incredible number of giant stone statues of their gods and ancestors. It’s now commonly believed that this proud society collapsed because they completely cut down the island’s forest for producing and transportation of their giant statures and left them with no means to sustain their food supply. After fierce warfare under each other they eventually perished leaving the once green and fertile paradise a barren wasteland filled with broken statues well before the first European explorers came ashore in 1722.

The principle characters:

Kaula is daughter of the chief, an energetic 11 year old that’s pretty bright for her age. Kaula is bit of the odd one out since she has a radical different outlook on life then the rest of the clan. While the whole clan seems occupied with the wrath of the gods she’s more interested in nature. Kaula is immensely frustrated by the fact that her father doesn’t seem to really understand her nor take her very serious. Encouraged by the Easter Head statue she tries to convince her father of the impending danger of cutting down the forest for erecting ever more statues.

Turam is the Clan’s chief and Kaula’s father; a strong leader and a caring father but sadly not all too bright for a man in his position. He is quite oblivious to the manipulation by his Shaman and the impending doom for the island it is causing. He is quite content to live in a little bubble where everything is fine and dandy and isn’t all that eager to leave it until daughter takes decisive action to burst it. He is totally aghast to finally face the truth but he does find the strength and courage to take action, even if it means to go against the wishes of the Shaman.

Tahiri is the clan’s pretentious Shaman; the ‘great’ spiritual leader revered by the clan. The Shaman is a character with great inner-conflict because his secret shame is that he has spend his whole career trying to get a personal connection with the gods trough talking with the statues as his proud predecessors did, but failed. His inability to do so led him to believe he has yet to find his personal ‘medium to the gods’ and thus manipulates the chief into building ever more and bigger statues, not minding the strain this has on the island’s environment.

The Clan people are not the brightest bunch and they allow fear to take over by preferring to listen to the Shaman reinsurances then the Chief stern warnings and eventually starve to death under the Shaman’s reign when the chief and his daughter fled the island.

The Easter Head is an ancient statue inhabited with the spirit of the first great Shaman. He has grown rather wary over the last decades and worries the end of this once proud civilisation is nigh. Disappointed and annoyed by deluded last-in-line Shaman he believes in all honesty that the 10 year old Kaula is the only sane person left on the island and thus the only one that has a shot in changing the course of history… This old statue has a disturbing odd sense of dry humour without losing it’s sincerity.


---

Scene 1

We open with a series close up shots of the process of hacking a new Easter Island statue and see it then towed toward the coast. We are introduced to the clan cutting trees, hacking stones and towing cords while we see Kaula playing amongst it, studying flowers, protecting creatures out the forest from the careless clan workers, that kind of stuff.

[introduction & exposition of the clan and Kaula ‘in action’ intersected for maximum effect of their differences]

Scene 2

Kaula runs in late on the statue completion ceremony just when her father congratulates the clan for the completion and gives the word to the Shaman who all to eagerly starts a pompous sermonize of how this new statue will please the gods and of his vital and exclusive role of mediating with them. Most of this speech will be background noise to a meaningful exchange of looks between Kuala and her father.*

*First a fierce look of annoyance and incomprehension of Turam why her daughter is late on which Kuala responses with a ‘dunno, does it matter?’ look/shrug, Turam’s facial expression then goes from angry (not again) to sad (why is she so grouchy / can’t I do something) to determent (I know just the thing to cheer her up)

[introduction & exposition of Turam in the role of Chief and father the ‘strained relationship’ with his daughter and introduction of the Shaman and his role.]


Scene 3.

After ceremony Turam takes a moment to talk with his daughter. She asks why “we” are still building new statues, since there are so many of them already; she points at the many statues scattered over the coast. Her father explains that it is the will of the gods and that the gods should be obeyed. Kaula then asks how her father really knows that this is what the gods want and her father explains that it is the witchdoctor who knows these things. Kaula goes on , asking how he knows, but her father smiles and kindly switches the subject (“enough big questions for a little girl like you”, something like that). Kaula grows annoyed again which Turam notices (although still pretty clueless as to exactly why) and hurries on with the cheer up part he had planned.

He has a surprise for her. It’s a little creature in a beautifully crafted cage. Kaula looks at the little creature aghast since she’s protecting these for a long time against the other islander’s deforesting. Turam, disappointed in the lack of gratitude this gift brings to her daughter he continues to tell her that it’s very rare these days and that it took one of his servants many days to find one for her. Kaula, while still staring at the little creature that’s whining and quivering of fear, is now boiling with anger. Turam now gets angry because she doesn’t even try to be grateful with the gift that took him so much effort to acquire.

Kaula snaps and runs off. Her father - partly angry partly confused - yells after her suggesting to talk about it. But when he gathers her daughter really needs to blow of steam he leaves, sighing.

[staging the main father-daughter conflict as well as the nature vs. religion theme]

Scene 4.

Kuala stops running on a high far-out cliff overlooking both the island as the sea. (this would be a good point to show that the island is more than half deforested). There is also a statue present (which shouldn’t really attract the viewer’s interested too much, because they are everywhere. Completely caught in her anger she curses her father and the whole clan for not understanding her or anything else while she releases the thankful creature which immediately flies/crawls away. She keeps looking at it until it’s almost gone. And the sighs deeply, finally unwinding a bit while the sun is setting.

Then a deep voice starts talking to her (something like: I wonder what your father would think of this). She freezes, then swiftly looks around, but doesn’t detect anyone. The statue speaks another line while Kaula is now looking in his direction. She is amazed. They start talking. Kaula gets of her chest what bugging her. The statue can’t do much more then agree and then explains to Kaula that she’s probably the last sane person left on the island. He could know, he’s been looking out on the island from this statue for generations, but lately the hunger for more and bigger statues is unnecessary (insert joke with many heads in the background complaining) and has disrupted the natural balance on the island. It should be stopped; she should find a way to make the people see.. She suddenly notices it’s already dark and tells the statue she should go home.

Scene 5.

As Kaula returns home she finds her father discussing plans for a new, even bigger statue with the Shaman. Kaula is very energetic and tells her father they shouldn’t build a new statue. The Chief is baffled because this was the last thing he expected his daughter to say after their fight just that afternoon. The Shaman, however, looks visibly annoyed. Turam brings her daughter upstairs while she explains what happened and that he should come with her to see the statue, he doesn’t really believe her but in the hope of resolving the issues with his daughter he agrees to come with her in the morning.
When the chief returns to the Shaman and murmurs some mild doubt about the necessity of this ridiculous big statue, but the Shaman reassures him that this is the will of the gods. They will provide for the people if the people keep them happy.

Scene 6.

We are back on the cliff. Kaula and her father enter the shot. Kaula is holding her father’s hand, trying to make him go faster. Kaula desperately tries the statue to speak, even knocking on/touching the statue, the statue, of course, remains inanimate. Her father explains she must have been dreaming and that the island is fine, the Shaman told him last night. Kaula blames her father for not taking the Easter Head seriously (‘that must be it’) and storms off, Turam who keeps standing there a little while longer shaking his head in disbelieve for her daughter strange behaviour suddenly catches sight of the empty, barren hills and scratches is head with a looming worried expression before heading off.

Scene 7

Now she feels her father will not believe her, Kaula goes off to seek the shaman for advise. (He is working on drawings of the new statue-to-be) She tells him that she spoke to an ancestor through an ancient statue on the high cliff, the shaman is shocked but does not show this, he laughs it away. She must have dreamt this, surely only he is able to speak with the gods…

Scene 8.

That evening Kaula is making her way up to the cliff again. When she’s almost there she meets the shaman walking away from the site. He acts as if “caught”, makes up a silly excuse why he was there and then quickly goes away again. Kaula goes on and tries to make contact with the statue again. Once again, it speaks. He tells her he’s only willing to speak to someone really capable of listening. (if you catch my drift) He mentions that the shaman was with him a moment ago and that he clearly is not; he jokes about that he was glad that he finally left. Kaula tells of her problems trying to convince her dad. The statue ponders on that a while and then replies that he may be able to “help” a little convincing him…

Scene 9.

The Chief has a nightmare in which he is confronted with scary statues. And then he is confronted deforest island. (Maybe at some point in the dream we could do something with the little creature being huge and the chief in a cage that looks just like that one he gave to Kaula. This would help move away the focus on deforestation, toward a more general-lack-of- respect-for-your-surroundings.



Scene 10

Awoken from the nightmare he shares his new insight with his daughter and promises that will stop the statue-making process at one. Delighted, Kaula runs off to the statue to tell him the good news. The Shaman, who was listening in on their conversation is enraged and decides to follow her secretly.


Scene 11

Kaula wants to give the statue the happy news but stops halfway when she finds that the statue is in a particular blue mood. The statue warns her that bad things are coming and tells her he can help her to get away from the island, but she must act quickly. Kaula wants to get her father first. The grave statue then tells her that her father is doomed, that there is no point going after him. Simultaneously, the Shaman hidden behind another statue is completely crushed by finding out that Kaula really can speak to the statues and almost breaks down, but gets himself together again and while a vicious gleam appears in his eyes he runs off at the end of the scene. We don’t see whether or not Kaula decides to take the offer or not.

Scene 12.

Kaula’s father is standing in front of the crowd and tells about his plans to stop the building of statues. The crowd responds in a confused shock. An enraged Shaman shows up again and declares that the Chief is a going against the will of the gods and thus should be killed. Some of the crowd respond in favour to that idea. The Chief, thrown off guard, clumsily (the Shaman is the better speaker) tries to convince the crowd that the Shaman is wrong. That everyone will die of hunger soon if we don’t stop making statues. The crowd looks confused and scared. The Shaman then promises that the gods will provide for the people if they keep building statues for them and kill this heretic. The crowd goes wild and storms the stage to kill the Chief. But amidst of the chaos Kaula comes to get her father. They run off.. The Shaman, even angrier because he sees Kuala again, yells at the angry mob to stop them.

Scene 13.

An angry mob follows the two through a maze of statues towards the coast. When the mob almost caught up with them the Easter Head statue suddenly come to life and tumbles over. Cutting the bewildered crowd off. With the mob out of the picture, the two flee following the other statues lead. They lead them to a quiet spot on the coast where a little boat is docked. They get in and leave the island.

The end.

While the credits run we see the island going up in flames and near the end of the credits we see the ship of Jacob Roggerveen and arriving at the barren island, stunned, thinking what the in hells name happened here.



Yeah, I know. Me and Alex would like to do a feature film length production if it were possible. But somehow this thing has to be condensed in 10 to 15 minutes. Without feeling rushed. Talk about ambition. XD



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[info]zolphia
2008-01-21 09:14 am UTC (link)
The story has become... big. Dauntingly so. It will even require a lot of spoken dialogue.
I can now only give a general statement, so here it goes: there's too much talking for my taste. The strength of this animation should lie in its music and visuals, because those are the skills you want to show. So the story should be told using that. But scene 5-8 and 10-12 basically consists out of people talking to other people. Almost all emotions, troubles, plot-changes, etc. are told through dialogue instead of shown. And that's just a shame.

I can understand how you and Alex in your excitement want to do as much as possible with a big a story as possible. But in this case, I'd take a step back, just stop for a minute and think if this really is going to show your talents.

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[info]breyten
2008-01-21 11:25 am UTC (link)
I don't think it's necessarily the case that too much has to be spoken. For example, the first part of scene 5 could just be shown by the shaman laying out his unfinished plans on paper to the chief on a table, while making big gestures (As such, I guess the shaman is trying to get approval to further build his plans for a giant statue), and when Kalua comes in, she can just grab the paper, throw it on the ground angrily, and jumping on it. Or something. In any case, it something that can also be told without dialog.

I'm in a bit of a hurry now, buth I think more of the scenes could be enacted out in a more action-oriented way.

Am I still making sense here?

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[info]zolphia
2008-01-21 11:42 am UTC (link)
Sense is being made. Lots of things can be conveyed without speaking in a more action-way (which is more fun to watch than people talking anyway).

I think I was partly against the people-talking-to-people, because the story is much bigger now, so you have more interactions explaining people's motivations and ancestor-stuff. So it was more part of my main concern that the story is too big to show through visuals in 10-15 minutes without feeling rushed and expositioning all the time. I just hadn't thought my feedback through enough to put it nicely.
But Leo can better judge how much work and time everything will take, so I'll leave it at that.

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-21 01:10 pm UTC (link)
well, I am worried that the story is too big as it is. But I also don't want to settle for anything less then epic...

What you also need to keep in mind concerning people's motivations / ancestor stuff is that quite a lot doesn't have to be explicitly explained. Think of the whole backstory of the sunken Amsterdam in Marin. And really, this movie can be more elaborate then Marin: I have more time (10 months), no thesis to write, I have the experience of making Marin under my belt and I'm going to look for help in the animation process. It's a gamble... but any great movie making is.

But I'm also not comfortable the amount of dialogue that seems to be needed at the moment. I have to find clever ways to decrease it. And as soon as I start drawing I'm convinced I'll find visual metaphors that will render a lot of conversation unessesary.

But anyway, without thinking in terms of practical realization, do you like the story? Do you find it intriguing? As something worth seeing?

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[info]zolphia
2008-01-21 01:26 pm UTC (link)
If you're confident, then so am I!

I do think the story is interesting and can work. And having a talking stone head is always fun. But with such a big story, I need time to nitpick (so I'll leave that for tonight).
One thing that does bug me is that the statue is All-Knowing, realizes what goes on in the entire island and refuses to speak to anyone not worthy (even if that may help the island in case of daughter & chief). Yet he doesn't realize in scene 11 that the Shaman is listening, thus starting the Final Phase of Doom. Is the statue really that stupid? Or is the shaman really good at hiding?

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[info]zolphia
2008-01-21 05:05 pm UTC (link)
Remember, everything I don't talk about is good. Which is why these comments may seem more negative then they are.

thus the only one that has a shot in changing the course of history...
Head's motivation is a bit unclear, which may have to do with the fact that he isn't human, so his personality may be more difficult to determine. Is the Easter Head really interested in changing history? Because he doesn't take any action in doing so. He could've talked to Chief or the Shaman, who would be happy enough to listen. He could've ordered people to stop f**king up. But instead he just goes "oooooh, doooooom" to Kaula. It seems as if Head isn't interested in changing history, but he has given up on everybody and doesn't care about the tribe anymore.

(insert joke with many heads in the background complaining)
All the talking is done by one Head. He may be unhappy enough to not change anything, but maybe the other heads have different opinions and would happily converse with other people.
Basically, you need a reason why this one head is so special, that he can stop the other heads from talking and that he is the one who decides to talk to Kaula. It again comes down to Heads's motivations. You may even make it worse: that the other heads can't talk at all, because there aren't enough gods to inhabit all the statues. But then you won't have the funny background-choir.

tells her father they shouldn’t build a new statue. The Chief is baffled because this was the last thing he expected his daughter to say after their fight just that afternoon.
Really? His daughter doesn't like new-statue-ceremonies, doesn't like his present. So it is a shock that she doesn't like another statue? I would think that if they had a real father-daughter relationship, then the girl would've already made her complaints clear.

he should come with her to see the statue
Again, this has to do with head-mythology. Kaula knows that only Shamans can 'hear' the statues (though people probably belief that the current Shaman can do this via telepathy). She's a smart girl, she would probably know that no one would belief that an Almighty Head would talk to wee little girlie.
Still, in her youthful excitement she may be misguided. And of course, she may belief that if the head talks to her, he'll talk to her daddy as well.

Kaula blames her father for not taking the Easter Head seriously
Would she be more hurt because he doesn't take the head seriously or because he doesn't take her seriously?

Kaula goes off to seek the shaman for advise
Again, does she really think the Shaman will belief her? After her dad didn't? And after all the shaman's eeeevil plans for more statues? Is she supposed to be a bright kid or not?

The statue ponders on that a while and then replies that he may be able to "help" a little convincing him...
Aaaaaargh, the head's motivation is killing him. (Also, I want a nickname for him. Stony? Anthony Stewart Head?) He won't talk to daddy when he was there, even though Kaula probably begged him. But he'll happily appear in a dream. I don't get it.

The statue warns her that bad things are coming
Yes, and by uttering these words while probably knowing the Shaman is listening, the Head is actually causing these bad things. (Or at least hastening them so that she can't save her father).

And now I really need to start cooking.

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-22 08:38 am UTC (link)
You're raising some valid points here. The main issue, I gather, really is the motivation of the Easter Head (yes, I really have to come up with a name for him) What is he about? What is his objective? What can he see/do and what can he not?

The daughter-father relationship - to my opinion - works really well through scene 2 till 4, but after that I have to find a more satisfying manner to resolve their edgy relationship. I guess the role of the easter head will play is of major influence in this as well. Perhaps the Shaman should be more involved in this as well... a lot to think about again. I think there hangs a re-write in the air. ;)

Thanks for all your input!

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[info]zolphia
2008-01-22 09:15 am UTC (link)
The main issue, I gather, really is the motivation of the Easter Head
Yep. I understand how in each separate scene the Head's actions make the story work. But looking at all the scenes combined, his actions contradict themselves and, like I said, it's because his motivation and powers are unclear.

The daughter-father relationship is nice. It is a typical "daddy cares about his girl, but doesn't understand her now that she's a bit older". And that can make him more real. Caring, wanting to connect with his daughter, but not really knowing how. That gives him loads of depth.

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[info]damanique
2008-01-21 12:39 pm UTC (link)
Man, this story sure keeps changing! :)

Let's see... somehow, Scene 11 doesn't entirely make sense. How come her father's doomed, and she can escape? Why would there be no point in going after him, and why does the statue say that? Is it necessary for it to say that?

And then, the Shaman. Instead of 'crushed and breaks down', perhaps 'shocked and angered' is more in place. Like, that is the moment where the Shaman really becomes an evil persona out of jealousy of Kaula, because she can speak to the statue and he cannot. So instead of breaking down, he instantly gets that vicious gleam in his eyes.

Also, if you need a good voice actor, I may know someone (not myself, heh).

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-21 01:19 pm UTC (link)
Let's see... somehow, Scene 11 doesn't entirely make sense. How come her father's doomed, and she can escape? Why would there be no point in going after him, and why does the statue say that? Is it necessary for it to say that?

Yeah, that's a bit of a weak point isn't it? The idea is that statue knows what's going on (the Chief is going to pronounce change and will be crossed by the Shaman) and predicts that it'll be fatal for the Chief and the Clan in the long run if the Shaman completely takes over and wants to save Kaula and thus urges her to flee. Again. It's quite a lot and it's weak. We have to think about that one.

And then, the Shaman. Instead of 'crushed and breaks down', perhaps 'shocked and angered' is more in place.
Also, if you need a good voice actor, I may know someone (not myself, heh).


Cool. Male/female? What age? Capable of physically visit a sound studio in Hilversum?

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[info]damanique
2008-01-21 05:08 pm UTC (link)
Male, 30, can drive himself around in own car, also my boyfriend. XD

But I'm not kidding - he's aspired to do voice acting work and he hosts a radioshow. He's definitely talented and can do different tones/intonations very well. I can ask him to send you some samples if you want, then you can judge for yourself. :D

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-22 09:00 am UTC (link)
Well, now I am intrigued. Well, next to a good sounding voice it's most important that he's capable of dealing with and acting upon dramatic directions of an obsessive director. I know I can be pretty demanding and specific as it comes to vocal performance and it doesn't always works out. But if this doesn't scares him off I do like to hear some samples. :)

Also another reason to trow a new Geekfest, I like to meet this man in action. ;)

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[info]damanique
2008-01-22 09:07 am UTC (link)
Well, I know he isn't the type to back out of a challenge or get scared off easily. Anyway, his username is [info]rob_d so you two can go contact eachother and everything ;)

New Geekfest, yeesss!! You must throw one! *hypnotises you*

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-22 09:27 am UTC (link)
Anyway, his username is rob_d so you two can go contact eachother and everything ;)

He already messaged me 10 minutes after posting, he must be scanning this page like a hawk. o_O

New Geekfest, yeesss!! You must throw one! *hypnotises you*

I'll make a post at [info]geekfestnl about it as soon as I have time to write. (not this illegal typing-ljcomments-in-the-boss-his-time stuff ;))

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[info]damanique
2008-01-22 09:30 am UTC (link)
No, I already talked to him about it, LOL. XD

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[info]kees_s
2008-01-21 06:16 pm UTC (link)
Great story. Not much to complain about at first glance. Maybe just a small addition.

How about a little extra in scene 7, where Kaula while talking picks up things and stuff in the Shaman's place and plays with them, and unwittingly passes a test, being able to do something only a real shaman can do, so that the audience sees that it is her that is the real Shaman instead of the other guy, which also is the explanation why she can speak with the statues and the shaman can't. An extra reason for the shaman to want to get rid of her.

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-22 08:44 am UTC (link)
Heheh, cool. Something like the turning-the-water-into blood scene in The Prince of Egypt in reverse. You know where the Egyptian prophets show the Farao they can also turn water red just like Moses by sneakingly adding some powder in water bowl.

This true-shaman thing can be a really interesting turn of events and may resolve a lot of logic issues. I'll look into it. Thanks, Kees!

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[info]zolphia
2008-01-22 09:27 am UTC (link)
It may indeed solve some of the head-mythology puzzle. The main question here is how Shamans are picked: do they have special powers or are they chosen by the headies, who can see who is worthy? The two would lead to very different tests.

One more thing and this isn't critique, but just me wondering: are the heads inhabited by Gods or ancestors? So are they all-powerful, mighty and wise or or are they more humane and more concerned about the tribe (like in Mulan)? (Though of course an ancestor may refuse to help after being disappointed in the tribe). Because that would matter to head's personality.

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[info]ocreana
2008-01-21 07:58 pm UTC (link)
Short reaction:

Very interesting, I can picture this and animating on it :D. Somehow I do tend to get an Disney's Atlantis feeling ^_^ Don't know if that's good or bad.

In a way the ending feels rushed and doesn't give much satisfaction.

Got to go, I'll put some more thought in it later.

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[info]bakenius
2008-01-22 08:52 am UTC (link)
Well if you're dealing with lost civilizations it's hard not to get some Atlantis associations, but it should most definitively not be like the Disney movie. The end - I agree - isn't very satisfying at the moment but I'm confident a better ending will write itself if other plot issues are resolved.

Are you present during the projectenbeurs coming Thursday? Then it might be a good idea to sit down with Alexander at some point for a little exchange of thoughts. :)

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[info]ocreana
2008-01-22 09:34 am UTC (link)
Yeah, I'll be there ;) see you thursday!

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[info]fluxmind
2008-01-22 07:46 pm UTC (link)
Ignore me i'm your worst enemy ;)

Mmm you do like to indulge yourself don't you. Lovely isn't it... but yes you do seem to make it too big. Keep it small! Offcourse it's your film and you can ignore me (if you want) but i have one suggestion and a note.

The insight is that you seem to have chosen for the Cassandra storyline. Cassandra being offcourse about the greek cursed girl myth about one who sees the future. No one offcourse believes her and in the end all hell breaks loose and people believe her. It's no longer about the striving towards something abstract thing. Allthough it's somewhere in there deep deep inside. This no longer is your storyline. Do you see that as well?! I mean your story has changed.

Secondly you are indulging yourself to much in characters cut that down!!! Don't try to be trendy a short film needs to be about clarity and brevety. Also a good story is something at which you look and go like well there's nothing that can be taken away. A story must be lean, mean, storypoint machine. Nothing must be wasted. To quote Bird 'Everything of the buffalo must be used' I therefore have a suggestion. And that suggestion is: Merge the character of Turam with Tahiri and create a father figure who is both spiritual elder and father. Let him battle his daughter who is a true psychic! This way we as audience also discover the fact through the fathers storyline. This is A: more dramatic B: a well known mishap with parents who cannot see they're children as equally talented human beings C: May lead too invoke respect with the father at the end...

To even suggest something; Maybe it would be nice to see the father and the daughter at the end of the film with the easter island face and the face telling them that he had foreseen this but being a rock face he cannot say anything because people need to grow inside. They the rock faces cannot intervene. The moral of the story is that we learn through listening and experience. And not through imposing our vision.

Throw away my suggestions, ignore me while you still can :P

Grtz Lars

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[info]fluxmind
2008-01-22 07:57 pm UTC (link)
Bakenius wrote: "well, I am worried that the story is too big as it is. But I also don't want to settle for anything less then epic..."

You are focussing too much on epic. It was epic from the get-go! Get off your 'it has to be perfect' high horse. cut off the baby fat from the story! And get going! Your waiting for too much input! You have your storyline! GO GO GO GO GO!

You can still ignore me offcourse!

Grtz Lars

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[info]damanique
2008-01-24 08:40 pm UTC (link)
As I was reading Lars' comment I thought: why a happy ending?

I mean, the island is pretty much screwed, their people are screwed. Do they want to escape? Where to? What for? To save their lives? Can they think that far?

It would also be interesting to see them, waiting out the last day, until the sun finally sets on the horizon and they know it's the end (mainly Kaula and her father). But, Kaula leaves something behind other than the statues, that Jacob Roggerveen finds later. Like a decorated stone with symbols or something fossil-archeology like. Something that will give him an idea that there was once a smart girl on the island who couldn't prevent the disaster that befell her people.

The people of the Easter Island will live on in history because of what they did, even if it doomed them. It might be interesting to have Kaula be remembered in a way, too. That way, even if she doesn't escape from the island, her legacy lives on... something like that.

I don't know, it's just an idea that came up. You said you had trouble with the ending. ;)

Even though I'm not a historian or archeologist I'm always fascinated by that stuff - finding things from people hundreds, thousands, even millions of years ago. Thinking that there had been a day that someone had touched that tool or that stone, and crafted it into shape, and that a thousand years after they died, the stone is still there. It's what I love about old buildings and museums.

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[info]fluxmind
2008-01-25 12:06 pm UTC (link)
But is that satisfying emotionally to kill of the characters? Is this the a intellectual experience or is this film an emotional experience? Where did it stem from did you feel it or did you think of it when you came up with your idea. That's very important to know esspecially when you tell a story Damanique. A story is more felt than it is understood so i'd rather not kill off a character through which i am viewing a part of the story. Esspecially because she goes through so much. With that you kill the reason to tell it. That's why tragic films about personalities who end up killing themselves at the end of the film become so very very irritating as they indulge in themselves so much. We lose touch because the characters shy away from interaction more and more while that interaction is the reaon they live. Plus the interaction is the story.

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[info]damanique
2008-01-25 01:14 pm UTC (link)
Hmmm.. when I came up with the idea, I kind of was thinking in a 'destiny acceptance' kind of way. The characters aren't really individually killed off: Kalua dies with the rest of her people. Somehow that makes more sense to me than them escaping; but maybe that's the drama addict in me talking and the ending should be more positive and lighthearted than that.

And as I described, there should be a way for her to 'live on' in history. Because when Roggerveen arrives at the island, Kalua is also dead. Just in another place. And this time, she hasn't left her mark on the island and nobody will ever know of her troubles - all that's left is the statues. Nobody knows there was a little girl who tried to save it all, and failed.

What I was trying to say is, maybe it's interesting to have Kalua craft something that, just like the statues, will live on in history; something that tells people more about her. But maybe that's just a crazy idea, I didn't really think about it after all, it just came up ;)

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[info]fluxmind
2008-01-25 06:57 pm UTC (link)
You have a point but then you try to introduce a new story. A story about acceptance. One story is enough and intricate enough. We see the journey: a character is introduced, a character comes into conflict and then the character overcomes the conflict. In the end if the character picks up life he's allready accepting why should he then die? Why do we senselessly introduce a character (roggeveen) who seems to add absolutely nothing to the story because Kaula's story has ended... don't leave open ends. Open ends are fun in the story not at the end of the story. Except offcourse if Leo is going to make TIKI2 Civilisation Roggerveen going down the drain. But that offcourse is Leo's game. When thinking about story ideas ask yourself again again and again why is it there does it emotionally add to the conflict of the characters.

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[info]damanique
2008-01-25 10:03 pm UTC (link)
I guess I can't help but think, does Kaula really overcome the conflict? Is "hurray, we escaped!" a good ending? It leaves me thinking, what do they do now, where do they go now, how will they survive? The Easter Island is in the smack dab middle of the Pacific Ocean, or close to it. Even if they make it off the island, they will most likely die of thirst before reaching land, or drown in a storm. They just moved from one sticky situation into another; I don't know if that's an ending I'd be satisfied with, which is why I suggested the alternative. Sending them off to drift on an endless sea seems pretty much the same to me as killing them off after a long character build-up.

Heh, an ending really is the hardest part about writing a story, it seems. Look at Robert Jordan, he just wrote another book instead of finishing his plots, and now he died before he got to finish any of them XD

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telepathy connection!
[info]turnsunwise
2008-01-27 04:09 pm UTC (link)
Just found this in automatic writing from last year, way before you even came up with this story idea:
"fall over tumble cardhouse force, hurricane jumanji the windstill places, the island with the creepy easter statues slowly exhausting myself beyond repair"
:-O

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